Jack and Jill were arguing...again. They were both becoming increasingly frustrated. It seemed like they were just spinning their wheels having the same fight for the millionth time and saying the same things over and over with no resolution.
The nagging questions in both their minds were “How did we end up here?” and “Is this all our relationship is going to be?”
What does Commitment look like in Relationships?
Commitment allows us to see that we have a CHOICE.
We can either follow through with what we’re thinking in the moment:
"It’s never going to be better."
"He’s not listening to me."
"She doesn’t know the kind of pressure I’m under right now."
"Who is this person?"
"What happened to us?"
OR we can focus on our commitment and take the necessary steps to work on our now so we can bolster our future.
Commitment allows us to:
· Focus on long-term goals.
· Be in the moment.
· Address the issues.
What we’re going through now can connect to our future. Where did we see this going? What are the life goals that we planned to accomplish together? Sometimes those goals change on the course of journey, which is fine, but we then need to re-work them and stay focused on achieving them.
Being in the moment and focusing on the now allows us to analyze and evaluate what we can be doing differently to achieve our long-term goals. No one gets into a relationship to be miserable. Focusing on the moment gives us the space we need to turn a difficult conversation into an opportunity to affirm our commitment and figure out what changes we can make now to get to where we want to be.
Commitment enables us to tackle the problems and not ignore them, with the goal of finding a resolution that works for everyone.
Back to Jack...
Jack and Jill were having the same argument they always had. Tension was high, and nothing was changing. So Jack took a step back and a deep breath and recognized that his approach wasn’t working. Maybe he needed to say it in a different way. Maybe he needed to ask some more questions so he could better understand what Jill was trying to convey. Because Jack is committed to good communication, he understands that while this disagreement is unpleasant in the moment, it can be a tool to help the relationship. From this disagreement, Jack and Jill both work to turn the argument into a productive discussion. This open communication and commitment to their long-term goals helps to move their relationship forward.
How Can Commitment Help My Relationship?
Commitment helps us remember our long-term goals and to be present in the moment so that we can engage in the argument and also use it as a springboard for good communication and finding solutions that will work for both and benefit the now, as well as bolster the future.
"Will we look back down on 99 years of a wonderful life?
Where we laughed till we cried and our love was stronger with every fight.
There'll be a thousand moments for you to say 'I told you.'
And a million more for us to say 'I love you.'
So let's look forward to you and I looking back, at 99 years like that."
~99 years by Josh Groban
The key to commitment in relationships is continuing to choose "us."