Magill Counseling Associates, LLC - Blog by Content by Robert Magill, edited by jbundyMagill Counseling Associates, LLC - Blog by Content by Robert Magill, edited by jbundyhttps://www.magillcounseling.com/blogs/author/joy1Tue, 17 Mar 2026 02:26:10 -0700http://zoho.com/sites/<![CDATA[Starting the New Year off Right]]>https://www.magillcounseling.com/blogs/post/starting-the-new-year-off-rightMake 2022 an awesome year for you. Try to break it down into smaller "bites." Let go of the massive goal, and focus on the smaller goals that support the massive vision.]]>

It was New Year's Eve again.  Jack settled in to write down his resolutions.  He pulled out his list from last year and felt like he was stuck in a causality loop.  He sighed as he glanced at the list: 

Make more money

Spend quality time with family

Buy a bigger house


While there was nothing wrong with his goals, he just felt stuck.  He knew he was about to write down the same list he wrote last year and the same list he would probably write next year.   He just needed a different perspective and a different approach to things.

Two-Fold Approach to Goals

Instead of doing New Year's resolutions, try a two-fold approach to goals.  Have in place your big-picture emotionally-driven vision for your life.  Ten years down the road, what do you want your life to look like?  What is important to you?  Write that down.  From there, think about where you are in this moment.  If you were to push yourself three months from now, what would that look like?  Come up with specific and measurable goals that will get you closer to your vision, and write those down.  


When we think we have all year to complete our goals,  we tend to push things off.  However, if we keep plugging away at our goals in small chunks, a bit at a time, consistently, we will find them achievable and sustainable.  In addition, three months gives us enough time to see if the changes are actually working.  If they are, we can continue with them.  If they're not, we can make adjustments. 

At the end of the the three months, you repeat the process.  You check in and make sure your goals are still in line with your overall vision.  If they are, continue on that course.  If not, see what course corrections need to be made, implement those, and make those changes over the next three months, and repeat the process.  


As we continue to do this, we may find that we reach our goals sooner than we thought because we're not waiting a whole year to find if we've reached our goals or not.  By breaking things into quarters, it allows for a lot more flexibility and freedom and the chance to adjust and adapt.

Back to Jack...

      Jack decided to take a hard look at why he even cared about his particular goals.  This time he jotted down:

      • What he wants to get from life
      • What is important to him
      • What he plans to do to achieve his goals

      If it takes him four months to achieve these goals, then it takes him four months.  If it takes him four years, then it takes him four years.  Either way is fine.  The point is, he's making progress.  This next year is going to be phenomenal for him because he is getting so much closer to his meaningful vision for his life.


      Similarly, make 2022 an awesome year for you.  Try to break it down into smaller "bites."  Let go of the massive goal and focus on the smaller goals that support the massive vision.


]]>Fri, 14 Jan 2022 14:00:00 +0000<![CDATA[Hectic Holidays]]>https://www.magillcounseling.com/blogs/post/Hectic-HolidaysThis holiday season, take time, slow down, and find some meaningful moments in the midst of the whirlwind.]]>




The holidays can be a busy time of the year filled with a lot of pressure and a feeling that everything has to be perfect.  While many things can be good and meaningful, that doesn’t mean that we have to participate in every event!


There’s a saying that “the perfect is the enemy of the good,” meaning that we can be so focused on having everything go perfectly for the holidays that we completely miss a lot of good things that we already have right in front of us.

Take a Moment to Pause...


While this can be a very busy time of year, take a moment to think about what is really important.  Why are we going through this event?  What is the meaning and importance behind it?  Does it add value?  Is it worthwhile?  How can that be the focus of what happens instead of simply being busy?  If it’s not important, what do we need to do with that?  Sometimes it’s saying “No–we don’t need to do that.”  Sometimes it’s finding a way to minimize its impact on our schedule.


While the holidays can be a wonderful time of the year, they can also be overwhelming, busy, hectic, and too full of things.  Focus on what is important.  Focus on what is meaningful and valuable, and watch the unimportant fall away and the freedom that will come from that.   

]]>Fri, 24 Dec 2021 14:00:00 +0000<![CDATA[Thankfulness with Children]]>https://www.magillcounseling.com/blogs/post/Thankfulness-with-ChildrenWe tend to see what we expect to see, and we tend to see more of what we've already seen. Thankfulness helps us change our lens and provides a fresh perspective.]]>

Jack and Jill were having difficulties with their kid.  It seemed like he was being extra stubborn and difficult lately.  


Jack and Jill looked at each other, after sharing an exhausted sigh, and silently mouthed, "Why won't he listen anymore?!  Why does he give pushback for absolutely everything?  Why are simple tasks suddenly a huge battle?"


Jack and Jill's frustrations were increasing.  In addition, their child was noticing the added tension, which, no surprise, added to his tension.

How Can Thankfulness Help the Family?

Thankfulness can be a powerful way to change our environment by changing our perspective.  While there absolutely should be rules, expectations, boundaries, and follow through, thankfulness allows us to take a step back from the frustrations, breathe deeply, and see things with fresh eyes.


We tend to see what we expect to see, and we see more of what we've already seen.  If we're expecting to see the frustration, we'll certainly find it.  Our lens can get "stuck" in the frustration pattern.  Thankfulness can directly counter this.  When we're intentionally looking for things to be thankful for, that becomes the new lens that we start to view things through.     


Practically speaking, trying to find five things each day that you're thankful for, pertaining to your child, can start to cultivate this new habit and fresh perspective.  If you're able, tell your child what you're thankful for.  If not, make a list for yourself of these attributes or actions that you appreciate or admire about your child.  


While this isn't a quick fix or cure-all, with time, this will shift your attention away from the frustration and onto thankfulness.  The focus changes from the problems to the positives.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

Back to Jack...

Jack and Jill had a challenging child.  Interactions were frustrating.  Tensions were mounting.  


So Jack and Jill decided to take a step back from the frustrations of the moment, and they started to notice all of the great things that their child was doing. They were intentional about thankfulness.  They still got frustrated, but they also realized that sometimes their kid was just being a kid.  


Their lens began to change.  The focus wasn't on how things were going to go wrong but on how they were going right.  Sure, hiccups and frustrations still happened, but then they could redirect and move on instead of becoming stuck in the negative.


Their efforts with their kid started to pay off.  Jack and Jill noticed a lot of really great qualities in their child that they hadn't seen before when they were locked in the lens of frustration.  In turn, their child responded positively to their affirmation and encouraging words.

Cultivating thankfulness is an effective way to shift perspective and produce positive change within ourselves and our families.  

]]>Fri, 26 Nov 2021 14:00:00 +0000<![CDATA[Integrity:  What is it, and who cares about it?]]>https://www.magillcounseling.com/blogs/post/IntegrityIntegrity is following through with what we agree to do. This makes conversations simpler and straightforward. In addition, this builds trust, as people understand that they can depend on our word.]]>

Jack's relationship is strained, and Jill is having a hard time trusting him.  


Jack is swamped at work, feels overwhelmed, and is burning out.  To top it off, when he finally gets home from work, he feels like he can't even unwind.  He has to help out with extra projects at home.  


He's been so busy with everything that he's starting to forget what he agreed to do or what needs to be done--both at work and at home.  Everything is piling up on him, and it's all that he can do just to get through the day.


Jill is frustrated because Jack keeps saying "Yeah, I'll take care of that."  But it doesn't get done.  He's not following through.  She feels like she can't depend on him or trust what he says right now.   The extra burden falls to her, and she's feeling stressed and hurt over his lack of integrity.

What is integrity, and how can it help?

“Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.” H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Integrity, simply put, is following through with what we say we're going to do.


This is easier said than done.  It can be hard to follow through when unexpected or overwhelming things in life come at us.  It's easier to provide excuses; however, regardless of the reason, if we say we are going to do something, it could be seen as a break of integrity if we don't follow through with our word.


Having integrity builds trust.  Others can depend on us, and that strengthens what we say.  When we say "yes" and mean "yes" and say "no" and mean "no" and stick to that, it makes conversations easier and more straightforward.  Once people learn that we will stand by our "yes," they won't have to hover over us to nitpick or make sure that we're doing the job.  Similarly, if they understand that we mean "no," then they will be less likely to try to pressure or persuade us to change our minds.  This adds to a sense of freedom and clarifies boundaries.  It can also improve relationships because of the trust it builds.

Back to Jack...


Jack was feeling swamped, but he took a step back and realized that he needed to stand by his commitment and live with integrity.  He worked on being intentional.  He stopped flippantly saying "Yep" or "Sure, I'll do that."  Instead, he responded with "I'll have that done in two weeks."  


At first, people weren't particularly happy with that response.  It seemed like he was just pushing it off until later like he had been doing before.  With time, however, when Jack followed through at the time he said he would, the people around him started to notice.  Jack became more organized, and people could count on him to get done what he agreed to.


Jill's stress and frustration levels decreased because she started seeing the new positive pattern with Jack following through, and she realized she could trust him.


As for Jack, his time at work and home became better.  Instead of feeling like everyone was against him, living with integrity allowed for the sense that people were there to help and support him.


Jack discovered that, actually, a lot of people care about integrity.  Following through with our word can have a significant impact at home, at work, and in our day-to-day life.   


]]>Fri, 12 Nov 2021 14:00:00 +0000<![CDATA[Commitment in Relationships]]>https://www.magillcounseling.com/blogs/post/Commitment-in-relationshipsCommitment in relationships allows us to see that we have a choice. Then we can take the steps needed to work on the now so that we can bolster our future. The key is continuing to choose "us."]]>

Jack and Jill were arguing...again.  They were both becoming increasingly frustrated.  It seemed like they were just spinning their wheels having the same fight for the millionth time and saying the same things over and over with no resolution. 


The nagging questions in both their minds were “How did we end up here?” and “Is this all our relationship is going to be?”

What does Commitment look like in Relationships?

    Commitment allows us to see that we have a CHOICE.  


    We can either follow through with what we’re thinking in the moment:

    "It’s never going to be better."

    "He’s not listening to me."  

    "She doesn’t know the kind of pressure I’m under right now."

    "Who is this person?"

    "What happened to us?"


    OR we can focus on our commitment and take the necessary steps to work on our now so we can bolster our future.


    Commitment allows us to:

    ·  Focus on long-term goals.

    ·  Be in the moment.

    ·  Address the issues.

What we’re going through now can connect to our future.  Where did we see this going?  What are the life goals that we planned to accomplish together?  Sometimes those goals change on the course of journey, which is fine, but we then need to re-work them and stay focused on achieving them.


Being in the moment and focusing on the now allows us to analyze and evaluate what we can be doing differently to achieve our long-term goals.  No one gets into a relationship to be miserable.  Focusing on the moment gives us the space we need to turn a difficult conversation into an opportunity to affirm our commitment and figure out what changes we can make now to get to where we want to be.


Commitment enables us to tackle the problems and not ignore them, with the goal of finding a resolution that works for everyone.

Back to Jack...

      Jack and Jill were having the same argument they always had.  Tension was high, and nothing was changing.  So Jack took a step back and a deep breath and recognized that his approach wasn’t working.  Maybe he needed to say it in a different way.  Maybe he needed to ask some more questions so he could better understand what Jill was trying to convey.  Because Jack is committed to good communication, he understands that while this disagreement is unpleasant in the moment, it can be a tool to help the relationship.  From this disagreement, Jack and Jill both work to turn the argument into a productive discussion.  This open communication and commitment to their long-term goals helps to move their relationship forward. 

How Can Commitment Help My Relationship?

Commitment helps us remember our long-term goals and to be present in the moment so that we can engage in the argument and also use it as a springboard for good communication and finding solutions that will work for both and benefit the now, as well as bolster the future.   


"Will we look back down on 99 years of a wonderful life?  

Where we laughed till we cried and our love was stronger with every fight.  

There'll be a thousand moments for you to say 'I told you.'  

And a million more for us to say 'I love you.'

So let's look forward to you and I looking back,  at 99 years like that."

~99 years by Josh Groban


The key to commitment in relationships is continuing to choose "us."


]]>Fri, 05 Nov 2021 13:00:00 +0000<![CDATA[Clarifying Commitment ]]>https://www.magillcounseling.com/blogs/post/Clarifying-CommitmentCommitment can often seem daunting and unrealistic or unattainable. But if we instead view it in “chewable” bites or seasons, this allows us the freedom to change and grow and try new things.]]>

Like so many forces of nature, such as wind, water, or fire, commitment holds similar properties.  It can be terrifying but, at the same time, a powerful force to propel us forward.  It can be freeing and clarifying if channeled properly and combined with acceptance.


Let’s take a look at Jack and his work situation.  Jack has worked on acceptance of the situation at work with his boss, coworkers, and customers.  However, despite his acceptance for the reality of his situation, Jack admits that he just doesn’t like what he is doing anymore.  Despite his efforts and attempts, things are not changing.  What are his options?  Is the grass really greener on the other side, or will he end up getting stuck and frustrated somewhere else?  These questions bombard Jack and leave him paralyzed.  


How could commitment help in his situation?

While it could be argued that if Jack were truly “committed” then he would just “suck it up” and “stick it out” at his current job; however, in taking a deeper look at commitment, it’s an agreement to follow through with something.  It means ruling out or setting aside other things to focus on one course of action.  However, while it can be a “long-term” commitment, not every commitment requires an undetermined length of time.


While making a commitment can be scary because it forces us to settle in and focus on one thing for a time, it also can be a powerful motivator because it frees us to focus instead of being frenzied in multiple directions or paralyzed with indecision. 


Commitment helps us screen out the clutter and just focus on the next thing that needs to be done.  It inspires us to think creatively to discover ways of making our situation work.  This applies to our work life as well as to our relationships.


On the other hand, without commitment as a driving force, we can end up like a rudderless ship.  With so many things clamoring for our attention, how will we know what direction is best without commitment informing our choices?

How Does Commitment Work?

Commitment allows us to:

    ·   Clarify our goals

    ·   Think creatively

    ·   Screen out the clutter

    ·   Do one thing—the next thing—not everything


Back to Jack

Jack evaluated his situation at work with his boss, coworkers, and customers.  He accepted the situation and worked on managing his interactions.  With time and continued evaluation, he accepted the reality that this workplace might not be the right one for him at this time.  He chose to investigate two or three careers that interested him.  He decided on one that would be a simple transition.  He dedicated (or committed) himself to that new career for six months.  By committing to a timeframe and not a nebulous “forever,” this freed him to focus on the task at hand for the time he determined.  


Consequently, he found a job in his new field within a month, and he enjoyed the change.  By committing to this course of action, he wasn’t thinking about the places he could have been working at or other career options because this choice was a good choice for this timeframe, and he was enjoying where he was at this moment.  This provided motivation to continue his commitment without the guilt of rehashing “what-ifs” and other unexplored paths.  He was free to follow the path he chose and fully live and be present in the moment and find contentment there. 

How Can Commitment Help Me?

“Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality.” --Abraham Lincoln

Commitment can often seem daunting and unrealistic or unattainable.  But if we instead view it in “chewable bites" or seasons, this allows us the freedom to change and grow and try new things.  From that springboard, we are able to commit.  If our endeavor does not go well, we can then accept it, examine our options, select a different course of action, and commit to that. 


The water in a stream is always moving and adapting, even if it looks like it’s staying in the same place.  Similarly, we are not stuck.  


Commitment, combined with acceptance, gives us the freedom to evaluate, adapt, implement changes, and, ultimately, come to a place of greater contentment.  When we accept, form a plan, and commit to that course of action, this can lead to positive change in our lives.



Commitment--Changing Careers

]]>Sat, 30 Oct 2021 19:51:53 +0000<![CDATA[Acceptance at Work]]>https://www.magillcounseling.com/blogs/post/Acceptance-at-WorkAcceptance allows us to see a situation for how it truly is not what we wish it would be. This can reduce our frustration and allow us the freedom to respond rather than react.]]>

Jack was feeling frustrated.  The demands of work continued to accumulate.  He wasn’t sure what to do.  Everything was fine when he started this job.  Now, with each passing day, he found it harder to drag himself there, let alone try to have a good day.


His workload used to be manageable, but now his boss was adding more tasks and unreasonable requests.  It didn’t seem like it would let up.  His co-workers didn’t help the situation.  They were annoying and in the way.  As if that weren’t enough, it seemed like some days he just couldn’t make a single customer happy.  This wasn’t what he signed up for, and it didn’t seem like there was anything he could do to fix it. 


Does this sound familiar?  Unfortunately, this situation seems to play out over and over like a broken record for so many people.  Does Jack have any options besides being overwhelmed, stressed, and on his way to burnout?  What can he do?  


Acceptance.

What Is Acceptance?

    It is seeing something (a situation or another person) the way it is and not what it could or should be according to our expectations.  

    Acceptance allows us to:

    • Let go of our frustration over unmet expectations.
    • Look for opportunities to help others instead of criticize or compete.
    • Find the freedom to respond rather than react.

Back to Jack...

      Let’s get back to Jack and figure out how acceptance could help him in his work interactions.


      Manage-Up with the Boss

      Most of the time, people don’t quit their careers; instead, they quit their bosses.  It can be incredibly challenging to work with a boss who isn’t supportive, leaves you feeling “unheard” or is ineffective or incompetent.   Jack's boss arrives 20 minutes late to meetings all the time. In addition, he seems to run the meetings poorly.  


      What can Jack do with these recurring frustrations besides grind his teeth and complain under his breath?  Acceptance.  


      He could continue to get frustrated at his boss, but why not accept that this is how things are?  His boss WILL be 20 minutes late, and when he finally shows up, he'll be quite disorganized.  From a place of acceptance, this allows the freedom to move beyond the frustrations and to start to think outside of ourselves.  Jack could recognize that since he is very organized and punctual, instead of staying frustrated, he could offer to help his boss by providing him with an outline or some way to stay on track during the meeting. 


      Side-to-Side with Coworkers

      In an ideal world, we believe we can get along with everyone.  In reality, however, this just isn’t the case.  Sometimes coworkers can be helpful.  Other times, they can be downright frustrating. 


      What can Jack do about it?   Acceptance.  


      By understanding that he won't always get along with everyone, Jack can better assess situations with coworkers and determine how to navigate the interactions.  He can choose to focus on the task at hand, be professional, and move on.  He doesn’t have to be “work friends” with everyone.  That’s okay, and he accepts that.  


      Professionalism with Customers

      Working in sales or customer service can be very demanding and draining.  Some days, Jack feels like absolutely nothing is “good enough”!  Days like that very quickly become discouraging and overwhelming.  Sometimes it just seems easier to walk away.  


      What options does Jack have?  Acceptance.


      Understanding that “everyone has a bad day” allows Jack to step back from his frustration, realize that this isn’t about him, and then he can try to come up with solutions to help.  Even if Jack’s “best” isn’t “good enough” for the customer, with acceptance, Jack is secure in the knowledge that he did everything he could for that situation.  Ultimately, Jack is responsible for his own responses, not for how his customer responds.  


      Evaluate Options

      Lastly, sometimes there are situations in which leaving is the best option.  In some cases, no amount of acceptance or boundaries will be productive.  Sometimes what is needed is the acceptance that we don’t have to “make it work.” 


        The rest of the story...
         Jack decided to talk with his boss about his workload.  His boss explained the reasoning behind it.  While this didn't reduce Jack's workload, he began to feel less stress and frustration once he opened up          the lines of communication with his boss.  Next, he tried accepting the situation with his coworkers.  He simply avoided some, as he was able, and for others, he gave them extra space and tried not to take        things as personally.  With his customers, he took a step back and realized that while some interactions were incredibly rough, not all of them were.  He worked to change his perspective to figure out how        he could make someone's day better instead of viewing them as an inconvenience.  

How Can Acceptance Help Me?

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” ― Viktor E. Frankl

While acceptance doesn't change the other people in our situation, it shifts our perspective, which starts to change us.  

This allows us the freedom to respond rather than react.  By changing our perspective and accepting the situation as it is, we are able to understand what we can control and then take significant action with that.  

Accepting is not giving up.  Acceptance involves engaging even more to understand what is, what could be, and what part we play in that. 



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